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THE
GREAT STAR WARS QUESTIONNAIRE By JONATHAN HICKS So, you think you’re a true Star Wars fan, do you? Well, answer the questions below, add up
your score and then check the chart at the bottom. Question 1 - How often do you
watch the Star Wars films? A) Every now and then, when I’m in the mood for it. B) Maybe once or twice a week. C) Continuously. I wake up at 5:00 am every morning and watch a
film before I go to work, and when at home I leave it on in the background on
a perpetually looped tape. Question 2 - Do you own many Star
Wars products? A) Not really. I’ve got a couple of the books and the movies. B) I have quite a few of the collectibles but nothing over the
top. C) I have set aside three rooms in my next house for my
collection. Question 3 - Do you know any
quotes from the Star Wars films? A) One or two. ‘Look sir, droids’ and ‘I have a bad feeling
about this.’ B) I have the scripts and I know some of the more dramatic
scenes. C) I am an expert at watching the films and talking over or
second-guessing the very next line. In fact, I was asked to leave the theatre
during the Special Editions. Question 4 - Do you have any
autographs from Star Wars stars? A) No. I’ve been to a couple of conventions and seen them but I
never got any signatures. B) Yes, I have a couple from some of the co-stars. C) My collection is now complete now that I have the autograph
of the second assistant to the make-up artist from Return of the Jedi,
after three years of pestering, calling and knocking on the door. My case
comes up on Thursday. Question 5 - How have the Star
Wars films inspired you? A) I like them but I don’t think they’ve had that much of an
effect on my life. B) I love the creativity behind them and it’s inspired me to do
things of my own. C) I am a Jedi Knight. Question 6 - What do you do
other than follow the Star Wars films? A) I take care of my family and work for a living. B) I like most forms of sci-fi and fantasy. C) I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question. Question 7 - If you could
change one thing in the Star Wars movies what would it be? A) Nothing, really, they’re okay as they are. B) There’s a couple of plot points that
might have been interesting to explore. C) Change it? Why would I wish to commit such sacrilege? What
George has created is pure genius and to deviate from his creation would be
blasphemous! Question 8 - Jar Jar Binks - Hero or Zero? A) Zero. I didn’t like him that much. B) He’s not that bad, really. C) Even though he’s annoying, sounds ridiculous, looks like a
dumb newt, makes no considerable impact on the story and is downright stupid,
he’s one of the best Star Wars characters George has
ever devised. Question 9 - Do you think that George
Lucas is a creative genius or just a very shrewd businessman? A) Well, he was probably creative at first but now it’s mostly
business, I guess. B) I think he has a vision of what he wants, and there’s nothing
wrong with making a bit of money out of it, is there? C) George Lucas creating these things just to make money? How
ludicrous! Just because he filled his recent movies with dozens of characters
and incidents superfluous to the story and then made action figures out of
them because he has major shares in some of the houses responsible for the
production of merchandise does not make him shrewd! He is a creative genius! Question 10 - Do you think that the
magic of the Star Wars movies will pass on from generation to generation? A) If my kids like it that’d be fine, but if they don’t go for
it’s not the end of the world, is it? B) I’ll let my kids know about it - I am a big fan after all. C) I intend to pass my knowledge on to my sons Luke, Han and
Jabba. Question 11 - What are your
favourite sequences in the Star Wars films? A) The space battles are pretty cool. B) The scenes between the Jedi are well written, especially
those between Vader and Luke. C) From the opening titles to the end credits. Question 12 - Would you like to be
an extra in a Star Wars film? A) Yes, but the chances of that are pretty slim, aren’t they? B) Of course. It would be nice to think that I was somewhere on
the screen, and to see how the films are made. C) My psychiatrist says it would not be a good idea. Question 13 - Do you think there
is any rivalry between Star Wars and Star Trek fans? A) No, I don’t think so. B) There is a little but its all good
natured. C) Do not mention those words in my presence. Question 14 - What is your most
prized possession in your Star Wars collection? A) There isn’t one, really, but I’m pleased with my videos. B) My Limited Edition video box set. C) No-one may enter my spare room without first passing through
a laser detection net and motion sensor system. I have only one set of keys
and they are on my person at all times. Question 15 - Do you think
you’ll ever get tired of Star Wars? A) Maybe one day but I’ll hang onto my movies. B) It will always have a special place in my heart but there are
bound to be things more important in my life. C) When I die I want to be burnt on my barbecue surrounded by my
friends. If things go according to plan, I should disappear. Failing that, I
have already started construction on a tomb shaped like Darth Vader’s head in
which I and my collection will be buried. Your Answers - Mostly ‘A’ - You’re not that
over-enthusiastic about Star Wars, are you? If the films
ceased to exist you probably wouldn’t notice. What are you doing reading this
anyway, you faker? Mostly ‘B’ - Talk about sitting on
the fence. You either love
it or hate it, make up your mind.
What, are you afraid of being branded as ‘sad’? Pick a side, you moron. Mostly ‘C’ - You need help. Go
to www.worldclasspsychiatrist.com
to read about your condition. Thanks for taking the Star Wars Questionnaire. |