CUT TO:

 

THE IMPERIAL GARRISON. ANAKIN IS PAINTING GRAFFITI ON THE WALLS WHEN DARTH VADER APPROACHES BEHIND HIM AND GRABS HIM BY THE SHOULDER.

 

Vader: What's this then? Imperials Event Doma? People call around Imperials they go to the house?

Anakin: It's Huttese. It says: "Imperials go home."

Vader: No, it doesn't.

Anakin: Ah...

Vader: What's Huttese for Imperials? Come on!

Anakin: Aih! Aah! Imperialon!

Vader: Goes like...?

Anakin: Lin?

Vader: Vocative plural of lin is...?

Anakin: Ani?

Vader: Imperiali...Event? What is event?

Anakin: "Go"! De...

Vader: Conjugate the verb "go"!

Anakin: Aah...eve, ev, is, it, evon, eva, evi.

Vader: So event is...?

Anakin: Aah, ehm...third person plural present indicative. Ehm..."they go".

Vader: But "Imperials go home" is an order, so you must use the...?

Anakin: Aih! Imperative!

Vader: Which is...?

Anakin: Ehm, oh...oh, ehm...i, i!

Vader: How many Imperials?

Anakin: Aah! it's...plural, plural! Evi! Evi!

Vader: Evi.

Anakin: Aah, ah.

Vader: Doma? Nominative?

Anakin: Ah, ah?

Vader: "Go home", this is motion towards, isn't it, boy?

Anakin: Ehm...ehm...dative sir?

 

VADER IGNITES HIS LIGHTSABRE AND HOLDS IT TO ANAKIN'S THROAT

 

Anakin: Aih! Ooh! Not that, not that, sir! Nah, aah! Ooh! The...accusative! Accusative! Aah! Domumi, sir! Domumi!

Aah, ooh!

Vader: Except that domumi takes the...?

Anakin: Aah! The locative, sir! Aah!

Vader: Which is...?

Anakin: Domi! Aah, ah, aah...

Vader: Domi...um. Understand?

Anakin: Yes, sir!

Vader: Now, write that a hundred times!

Anakin: Yes, sir! Thank you, sir! Hail Palpatine, sir!

Vader: Hail Palpatine! And if it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.

Anakin: Oh, thank you, sir! Thank you, sir! Hail Palpatine and everything, sir!

 

 

CUT TO:

 

THE NEXT MORNING. THE GARRISSON IS COVERED WITH SLOGANS AND ANAKIN CLIMBS DOWN FROM A LADDER

 

Aah. Mmh! Aah... Finished! Aah.

Imperial Stormtrooper: Right. Now, don't do it again!

 

THE STORMTROOPERS STORM OFF, BUMPING INTO A MAN

 

Man with bag: Hey! Bloody Imperials...

 

AS ANAKIN LOOKS AT THE GRAFFITI, MORE STORMTROOPERS APPROACH. THEY LOOK AT THE WALLS, THEN AT ANAKIN. ANAKIN MAKES A RUN FOR IT. AFTER A DRAMTIC CHASE THROUGH THE MOS ESPA STREETS HE IS GRABBED BY PADME AN PULLED INTO THE SHADOWS.

 

 

CUT TO:

 

THE HEADQUARTERS OF THE PFT, HIDDEN IN THE SLAVE QUARTERS. THE GROUP IS HAVING ONE OF THEIR MEETINGS, DISCUSSING PLANS FOR A BREAK IN TO PALPATINE'S TOWN HOUSE. A HUGE HOLOGRAPHIC PROJECTION OF THE HOUSE APPEARS AS THEY TALK

 

Biggs: We get in through the underground heating-system here ,up through an audience chamber here, and Palpatine's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Palpatine that she is in our custody, and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?

Rebel I: What exactly are the demands?

Wedge: We're giving Palpatine two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Empire, and if he doesn't agree immediately, we execute her.

Moisture Farmer: Cut her head off?

Biggs: Cut all her bits off! Send them back on the hour, every hour! Show them we are not to be trifled with.

Wedge: And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we chop her up, and that we shall not submit to blackmail.

All Rebels except Wedge: No blackmail!

Wedge: They bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had. And not just from us! From our fathers, and from our father's fathers.

Leia: And from our father's father's fathers.

Wedge: Yeah.

Leia: And from our father's father's father's fathers.

Wedge: Yeah, all right, don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?

Rebel I: The spaceport?

Wedge: What?

Rebel I: The spaceport.

Wedge: Oh. Yeah, yeah, they did give us that, ah, that's true, yeah.

Rebel II: And the sanitation.

Leia: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Wedge. Remember what Mos Espa used to be like.

Wedge: Yeah, all right, I'll grant you the spaceport and sanitation, the two things the Imperials have done.

Moisture Farmer: And the spacelanes.

Wedge: Oh, yeah, obviously the spacelanes. I mean the spacelanes go without saying, don't they? But apart from the sanitation, the spaceport, and the spacelanes...

Rebel III: Irrigation.

Rebel I: Medicine.

Rebel IV: Education.

Wedge: Yeah, yeah, all right, fair enough.

Rebel V: And the wine.

All Rebels except Wedge: Oh, yeah! Right!

Biggs: Yeah! Yeah, that's something we'd really miss Wedge, if the Imperials left. Huh.

Rebel VI: Public baths.

Leia: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now, Wedge.

Biggs: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let's face it; they're the only ones who could in a place like this.

All Rebels except Wedge: Hahaha...all right...

Wedge: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, spacelanes, the fresh-water system and public health, what have the Imperials ever done for us?

Rebel I: Brought peace?

Wedge: Oh, peace! Shut up!

 

THERE IS AN URGENT KNOCKING AT THE DOOR. EVERYONE HIDES AND THE MOISTURE FARMER HEADS TO THE ENTRANCE

 

Moisture Farmer: I'm a poor man, my sight is poor, my legs are old and bent.

Padme: Its all right, Moisture Farmer.

Moisture Farmer: It's all clear.

Padme: Well, where's Wedge?

 

THEY ALL COME OUT OF HIDING

 

Biggs: Oh, Wedge! Wedge! Padme!

Wedge: What went wrong?

Padme: The first blow has been struck!

Wedge: Did he finish the slogan?

Padme: A hundred times! In letters ten foot high, all the way around the garrison!

Wedge: Oh, great! Great! We...we need doers in our movement Anakin, but...before you join us, know this: there is not one of us here who would not gladly suffer death to rid this galaxy of Imperials once and for all.

Rebel VII: Ehm...well, one.

Wedge: Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's one. But otherwise we're solid. Are you with us?

Anakin: Yes!

Wedge: From now on you shall be called "Anakin that is called Anakin". Fill him in about the raid on the Palpatine's house, Francis.

Biggs: Right! This is the plan!

 

 

CUT TO:

 

THE STREETS OUTSIDE PALPATINE'S TOWN HOUSE. A SHUTTLE LANDS ON THE ROOF AND PALPATINE EXITS, WALKING FOR THE ENTRANCE. THE REBELS OPEN A MANHOLE COVER TO GET INTO THE SEWER SYSTEM. BIGGS NARRATES THE ACTION

 

Biggs: Now, this is the palace at Imperial Square. Our commando-unit will approach from Ronto Street under cover of night, and make our way to the north-western main drain. If questioned, we are sewage workers on our way to a conference. Wedge, our glorious leader and founder of the PFT, will be co-ordinating the assailant at the drain entrance. Though he himself will not

be taking part in any Mon Cal action, as he has a bad back.

 

WEDGE CLOSES THE SEWER ENTRANCE. ANAKIN LOOKS AT HIM WITH CONCERN

 

Anakin: Aren't you going to come with us?

Wedge: Solidarity, brother!

Anakin: Oh, yes...solidarity, Wedge.

 

THE REBELS MAKE THEIR WAY DOWN THE SEWER

 

Biggs: Once in the sewer, timing will be of the essence. There's an Imperial feast later in the evening, so we must move fast. And don't wear your best sandals. Turning left here, we enter the Sweet Yoda Memorial Sewer, and from there proceed directly to the main entrance. This has just been re-tiled, so Mon Cals: careful with those weapons! We will now be directly beneath

Palpatine's audience chamber itself. This is the moment for Ree-Yees to get out his prong.

 

THE AUDIENCE CHAMBER IS DIMLY LIT AND OPPRESIVE (LIKE THE THRONE ROOM IN RETURN OF THE JEDI). A SMALL HATCH OPENS AND THE REBELS CLIMB OUT. THEY START TO SNEAK THROUGH THE HALLS BUT BUMP INTO SOME OTHER REBELS WHICH ARE MON CALAMARIAN AND NOT OF THE PFT

 

Mon Cals' leader: Campaign for Free Mon Calamari!

Biggs: Oh, ehm...People's Front of Tatooine. Officials.

Mon Cals' leader: Oh.

Biggs: What's your group doing here?

Mon Cals' leader: We're going to kidnap Palpatine's wife, take her back, and issue demands.

Biggs: So are we.

Mon Cals' leader: What?

Biggs: That's our plan.

Mon Cals' leader: We were here first.

Biggs: What do you mean?

Mon Cals' leader: We thought of it first.

Leia: Oh, yeah?

Mon Cals' leader: Yeah. It's a couple of years ago.

All Rebels: Ohohoh...

Mon Cals' leader: We did!

Biggs: Okay, ohkokh, come on. You got all your demands worked out, eh?

Mon Cals' leader: Of course we have!

Biggs: What are they?

Mon Cals' leader: Well, I'm not telling you!

Biggs: Oh, come on! Tell me another one!

Mon Cals' leader: No use complaining! We thought of it before you!

Leia: Did not!

Biggs: You did not!

Mon Cals' leader: We did!

Biggs: You did not!

Mon Cals' leader: We did!

Biggs: You did not!

All Mon Cals and Rebels except Biggs and Mon Cal leader: Shh! Shh!

Mon Cals' leader: You bastards! We've been planning this for months!

Biggs: Well, tough titty for you, fish face! Aoh, ooh!

 

THE MON CAL POKES BIGGS IN THE EYE. A FIGHT ENSUES BETWEEN THE TWO GROUPS AND ANAKIN TRIES TO BREAK IT UP

 

Anakin: Brothers, brothers! We should be struggling together!

Biggs: We are! Oh!

Anakin: We mustn't fight each other! Surely, we should be united against the common enemy!

 

EVERYONE STOPS FIGHTING, LOOKING ABOUT WILDLY

 

All Mon Cals and Rebels except Anakin: The Tatooine People's Front?!

Anakin: No, no, the Imperials!

All Mon Cals and Rebels except Anakin: Oh, yeah...yeah. Yes. Yeah, he's right.

 

THE FIGHT STARTS AGAIN

 

Mon Cal I: Look out!

Biggs: Careful!

Mon Cals' leader: Right! Where were we?

Biggs: Ehm...you were going to punch him. Aah, eh.

Mon Cals' leader: Oh, yeah.

All Mon Cals and Rebels except Anakin: Arrgh!

Anakin: Brothers!

Mon Cal and Rebel: Ah, ah...

 

THE TWO GROUPS KNOCK THEMSELVES COLD. ONLY ANAKIN REMAINS AND HE TURNS TO BE CONFRONTED BY TWO STORMTROOPERS. THEY BLAST HIM WITH WEAPONS ON 'STUN'

 

Anakin: Ouch!

 

 

CUT TO:

 

THE DETENTION CENTRE. ANAKIN IS DRAGGED INTO A CELL AND DUMPED WITH A MAN WHO IS CHAINED TO THE WALL. THEN HE IS SPAT IN THE FACE BY THE UGLY GUARD

 

Prisoner: You lucky bastard!

Anakin: Who's that?

Prisoner: You lucky, lucky bastard!

Anakin: What?

Prisoner: The right little jailers pet, aren't we?

Anakin: What do you mean?

Prisoner: You must have slipped him a few credits, eh?

Anakin: Slipped him a few credits? You saw him spit in my face!

Prisoner: Oh, what wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face? I sometimes hang awake at night, dreaming of being spat at in the face.

Anakin: Well, it's not exactly friendly, is it? They had me in binders!

Prisoner: Binders! Ohuuhoh... my idea of heaven is to be allowed to put in binders, just for a few hours. They must think the twin suns shine out your arse, sonny!

Anakin: Oh, lay off me, I've had a hard time!

Prisoner: You've had a hard time!? I've been here five years, they only hung me the right way up yesterday! So don't you come 'round...

Anakin: All right, all right!

Prisoner: They must think you're the Chosen One, or something...

Anakin: What will they do to me?

Prisoner: Oh, you'll probably get away with having a stake up your arse.

Anakin: Staked?

Prisoner: Yeah. First offence.

Anakin: Get away with staking?! It's...

Prisoner: Best thing the Imperials ever did for us.

Anakin: What?

Prisoner: Oh, yeah. If we didn't have staking, this galaxy would be in a right bloody mess.

Anakin: Guard!

Prisoner: Stick 'em up I say!

Anakin: Guard!

Prisoner: Stick some sense into 'em!

 

THE GUARD APPROACHES AT ANAKINS CRIES

 

Jailer I: Hahrkhm...what do you want?

Anakin: I want you to move me to another cell.

Jailer I: Hah!

 

THE GUARD SPITS IN HIS FACE

 

Anakin: Aehw!

Prisoner: Oh! Look at that! Bloody favouritism!

Jailer I: Shut up, you!

Prisoner: Sorry!

Jailer I: Huah! Huhuhu...

Prisoner: Now take my case. They hang me up here five years ago. Every night they take me down for twenty minutes, then they hang me up again. Which I regard as very fair, in view of what I've done. And if nothing else, it has taught me to respect the Imperials, and it has taught me that you'll never get anywhere in this life, unless you are prepared to do a fair day's work for a fair day's...

Anakin: Oh, shut up!

 

THE JAILER AND DARTH VADER APPROACHES THE CELL

 

Jailer I: Here.

Vader: Palpatine wants to see you!

Anakin: Me?

Vader: Come on!

Anakin: Palpatine? What does he want to see me for?

Vader: I think he wants to know which way up you want to be staked.

Prisoner: Oh, hahahaha, haha! Nice one, Vader! Like it, like it.

Vader: Shut up!

Prisoner: Right, right. Terrific race, the Imperials! Terrific.

 

 

CUT TO:

 

THE AUDIENCE CHAMBER. PALPATINE IS LOOKING AT PLANS FOR THE EXPANSION OF THE EMPIRE AS VADER WALKS IN WITH ANAKIN

 

Emperor Palpatine: ...and down to this awea. Aah.

Vader: Hail the Emperor!

Emperor Palpatine: Hail!

Vader: Only one survivor, sir.

Emperor Palpatine: Aah. Thwow him to the floor!

Vader: What, sir?

Emperor Palpatine: Thwow him to the floor!

 

VADER THROWS ANAKIN TO THE FLOOR

 

Vader: Aah.

Anakin: Aie!

Emperor Palpatine: Hm! Now, what is your name?

Anakin: Anakin, sir.

Emperor Palpatine: Awakin, eh?

Anakin: No, no; Anakin.

 

VADER SLAPS ANAKIN IN THE FACE

 

Anakin: Aie!

Emperor Palpatine: Huhuhuhu...The little wascal has spiwit!

Vader: Has what, sir?

Emperor Palpatine: Spiwit.

Vader: Yes, he did, sir.

Emperor Palpatine: No, no, spiwit! Sort of... bwavado, a touch of dewwing-do.

Vader: Oh. Ehm...about eleven, sir.

Emperor Palpatine: So...you dare to inwaid us?

Anakin: To what, sir?

Emperor Palpatine: Stwike him Vader, vewy woughly!

 

VADER SLAPS ANAKIN IN THE FACE AGAIN

 

Anakin: Aih!

Vader: Oh, and, ehm...throw him to the floor, sir?

Emperor Palpatine: What?

Vader: Throw him to the floor again, sir?

Emperor Palpatine: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.

 

VADER PICKS UP ANAKIN AND THEN THROWS HIM TO THE FLOOR

 

Anakin: Aie!

Emperor Palpatine: Now, Tatoowine wapscalion...

Anakin: I'm not Tatooinian, I'm an Imperial!

Emperor Palpatine: An Impewial, eh?

Anakin: No, no; Imperial.

 

VADER SLAPS ANAKIN AGAIN AND HE FALLS FLAT

 

Anakin: Aie!

Vader: So, your father was an Impewial. Who was he?

Anakin: He was a commander, in the Tatooine garrison, sir.

Emperor Palpatine: Weally? What was his name?

Anakin: Noorti Nigell.

Vader: (BURSTS OUT LAUGHING) Pahaha...

Emperor Palpatine: Vader, do you have anyone of that name in the gawwison?

Vader: Well...no, sir.

Emperor Palpatine: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?

Vader: Well, no, sir, ehm...I think it's a joke, sir. Like, ehm, Silli Sodd, or...or, Bigg Deek, sir.

Stormtrooper III: (SMOTHERING LAUGHTER) Pffhrpffpfff...

Emperor Palpatine: What's, so funny about Bigg Deek?

Vader: Well, it's a joke name, sir.

Emperor Palpatine: I have a vewy gweat fwiend on Cowuscant called Bigg Deek.

Stormtrooper III: Pffhrpffpfff...

Emperor Palpatine: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find youwself in the awena vewy quickly, with wotten behaviwor like that!

Anakin: Can I go now, sir?

 

VADER SLAPS ANAKINS FACE AGAIN AND HE FALLS OUT OF SIGHT

 

Anakin: Aie! Aou...

Emperor Palpatine: Wait till Bigg Deek hears of this!

Stormtrooper III: Pffhrpffpfff...

Emperor Palpatine: Wight! Take him away!

Vader: Oh sir, he ju...

Emperor Palpatine: No, no, I want him fighting wabid wild Wancors within a week!

Vader: Yes, sir. Come on, you!

Stormtrooper III: Oh, hahahaha...hohoho! Hoho...

Emperor Palpatine: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by common stormtwoopers! Anybody else feel like a little...giggle, when I mention my friend... Bigg... Deek?

Stormtrooper IV: Pffhrpffpfff...

 

PALPATINE APPROACHES A STORMTROOPER AND GETS REAL CLOSE TO HIS HELMET

 

Emperor Palpatine: And what about you? Do you find it... wisible, when I say the name... Bigg...

Stormtrooper IV: (TRYING NOT TO LAUGH) Iik!

Emperor Palpatine: ...Deek?

Stormtroopers I and II: Pffhrpffpfff...hihihi...

Emperor Palpatine: He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called... Inconteenent. Inconteenent Buttoks.

All Stormtroopers: (BURST OUT LAUGHING OPENLY) Pffhrpffpfff...hahaha...

Emperor Palpatine: Shut up! What is all this? I've had enough of this wowdy behaviour! Silence!

 

ANAKIN SEES HIS CHANCE AND MAKES A RUN FOR IT

 

Emperor Palpatine: You call yourselves Impewial guards? Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him!

 

 

CUT TO:

 

THE MOS ESPA STREETS

 

ANAKIN IS CHASED THROUGH THE STREETS BY STORMTROOPERS. HE RUNS TO THE TOP OF A BUILDING WHERE HE TOPPLES AND FALLS OFF. THE MILLENIUM FALCON IS ESCAPING TATOOINE AND HE FALLS DIRECTLY INTO THE COCKPIT

THE FALCON BLASTS INTO SPACE. HAN SOLO SEES ANAKIN AND SHOUTS BUT CHEWBACCA POINTS OUT OF THE VIEWPORT. A START DESTROYER IS GIVING CHASE. A SPACE BATTLE ENSUES THROUGH AN ASTEROID FIELD WITH TIE FIGHTERS AND ANAKIN IS THROWN ABOUT THE COCKPIT. THE FALCON IS HIT, FALLS BACK TO MOS ESPA AND CRASHES WITH A HUGE EXPLOSION. ANALKIN CLIMBS OUT OF THE WRECKAGE UNSCATHED

 

Astonished bystander: Oh, you lucky bastard!

 

ANAKIN HEADS BACK TO THE PFT HEADQUARTERS. PROPHETS ARE GATHERED BELOW THE WINDOW OF THE HEADQUARTERS

 

Prophet I: And the bantha shall be huge and black, and the eyes still of red, with the blood of living creatures! And the whore of Corellia, shall ride forth on a red-headed serpent, and throughout the land shall be a great rubbing of hands...

Prophet II: ...the demon shall carry a nine-bladed lightsabre! Nine-bladed! Not two, or five, or seven, but nine, which he will wield on all wretched sinner-sinners, just like you sir, there! And the horns shall be on the head...

Yoda: There shall in that time be rumours, of things going astray. Ehm...and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are. And nobody will really know where lie those little things with a sort of metal base, that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hydrospanner, and the young shall not know where lie the things possessed by their fathers, that their fathers put there only just the night before, 'bout eight o'clock.

Prophet IV: Yea, it is written in the Book of Windu: "That in that time shall the turds"...

 

ANAKIN IS BLOCKED BY STORMTROOPERS SO HE DIVES TO A VENDOR'S STALL. HE GRABS A FALSE BEARD OFF THE RACK

 

Anakin: How much? Quick!

Vendor: What?

Anakin: It's for the wife.

Vendor: Oh, ehm...twenty credits.

Anakin: Right.

Vendor: What?

Anakin: There you are.

Vendor: Wait a minute!

Anakin: What?

Vendor: Well, we're...we're supposed to haggle!

Anakin: No, no, no, I've got to get...

Vendor: What do you mean, "No, no, no"?

Anakin: I haven't got time, I've got...

Vendor: Well, give it back, then.

Anakin: No, no, no, I just paid you!

Vendor: Burt!

Burt:   Yeah?

Vendor: This bloke won't haggle!

Burt:   Won't haggle?!

Anakin: All right, do we have to?

Vendor: Now look: I want twenty for that.

Anakin: Ehm...I just gave you twenty.

Vendor: Now are you telling me that's not worth twenty credits?

Anakin: No.

Vendor: Look at it! Feel the quality, that's not any of you goat!

Anakin: All right, I'll give you nineteen then.

Vendor: No, no, no, come on, do it properly!

Anakin: What?

Vendor: Haggle properly, this isn't worth nineteen!

Anakin: Well, you just said it was worth twenty!

Vendor: Oh dear, oh dear. Come on: haggle!

Anakin: Uh, all right, I'll give you ten.

Vendor: That's more like it! Ten? Are you trying to insult me? Me, with a poor dying grandmother? Ten!?

Anakin: All right, I'll give you eleven!

Vendor: Now you're getting it. Eleven!? Did I hear you right? Eleven? This cost me twelve, you want to ruin me?

Anakin: Seventeen?

Vendor: No, no, no, no, "seventeen"!

Anakin: Eighteen?

Vendor: No, no, no, you've got to fourteen now.

Anakin: All right, I'll give you fourteen.

Vendor: Fourteen!? Are you joking?

Anakin: That's what you told me to say!

Vendor: Oh, dear...

Anakin: Oh, tell me what to say, please!

Vendor: Offer me fourteen.

Anakin: I'll give you fourteen.

Vendor: He's offering me fourteen for this!

Anakin: Fifteen!

Vendor: Seventeen. My last word, I won't take a penny less, or strike me dead.

Anakin: Sixteen!

Vendor: Done! Nice to do business with you.

Anakin: Mhm.

 

THE VENDOR HANDS ANAKIN A RACING HELMET

 

Vendor: Tell you what: I'll throw you in this as well.

Anakin: I don't want it, but thanks.

Vendor: Burt!

Burt: Yeah.

Anakin: All right, all right, all right.

Vendor: Now where's the sixteen you owe me?

Anakin: I just gave you twenty.

Vendor: Oh yeah, that's right, that's four I owe you, then.

Anakin: No, that's all right, that's fine, that's fine.

Vendor: No, hang on, I've got it here somewhere.

Anakin: No, it's all right, that's four for the racing helmet.

Vendor: Four? For this racing helmet? Four!? Look at it! It's worth ten if it's worth a credit!

Anakin: You just gave it to me for nothing!

Vendor: Yes, but it's worth ten.

Anakin: All right, all right!

Vendor: No, no, no, no, it's not worth ten, you're supposed to argue! "Ten for that, you must be mad!" Oh, well, one born

every minute.

 

 

CUT TO:

 

PFT HEADQUARTERS. ANOTHER MEETING IS IN PROGRESS AS THE GROUP TALLIES OFF THE MEN THEY LOST IN THE RAID ON PALPATINE'S TOWN HOUSE

 

Leia: Crix.

Biggs: Numb.

Wedge: Numb.

Leia: Numb.

Biggs: Porkins.

Wedge: Porkins.

Leia: Porkins.

Biggs: Red Leader.

Wedge: Red Leader.

Leia: Red Leader.

Biggs: And Anakin.

Wedge: And Anakin.

Leia: And Anakin.

Wedge: I now propose that all seven of these ex-brothers be now entered in the minutes as martyrs to the cause.

Leia: I second that, Wedge.

Wedge: Thank you, Leia. Comrades! Let us not be down-hearted! One total catastrophe like this is just the beginning! Their glorious deaths to unite us all in a...

Moisture Farmer: Look out!

 

THERE IS A NOISE AT THE DOOR. EVERYONE HIDES. ANAKIN, IN HIS FALSE BEARD, BURSTS INTO THE ROOM

 

Anakin: Hello! Moisture Farmer? Wedge?

Rebel under Table: Go away!

Anakin: Huh? Wedge! It's me, Anakin!

Rebel under Table: Get off! Get off out of it!

Anakin: Stan?

Rebel under Large cloth: Piss off!

Rebel in Laundry basket: Yeah, piss off!

Rebel under holomap of Emperor Palpatine's Palace: Fuck off!

 

THERE IS A LOUD KNOCK AT THE DOOR

 

All Rebels except Anakin: Oh, shit!

 

ANAKIN CLIMBS OUT ONTO A RICKETY PORCH, DIRECTLY ABOVE THE STREET OF THE PROPHETS

 

Moisture Farmer: Coming!

 

THERE IS ANOTHER LOUD KNOCK

 

Prophet III: Yea, verily at that time, which is written in the Book of Windu, when a man shall strike his enemy, and his nephew's enemy and I...

 

THE BALCONY ANAKIN IS ON THREATENS TO GIVE WAY. THE MOISTURE FARMER OPENS THE DOOR TO VADER AND A GROUP OF STORMTROOPERS

 

Moisture Farmer: My eyes are dim, I cannot see...

Vader: Are you Moisture Farmer?

Moisture Farmer: Yes.

Vader: We have reason to believe you may be hiding one Anakin of Tatooine, the member of the Rebel organisation, the People's Front of Tatooine.

Moisture Farmer: Me? No, I'm just a poor old man, I have no time for law-breakers. My legs are grey, my ears are withered, my eyes are old and bent...

Vader: Quiet! Silly person. Stormtroopers, search the house!