Pitch Black Room
2002 short story by Jonathan
Hicks Fifteen years after Episode IV – A New Hope
Why won’t you answer me? Is there anyone there? Hey! Look, I know there’s got to be someone listenin’. Don’t think that slammin’
me up in a pitch-black room with no light or sound is goin’ to phase me in
the slightest. Just tell me what you want! It’s hot, I’m hungry and I want
out! Just tell me what it is you want from me. Just tell me! Are there walls
in here? Is the floor there? Am I on a pedestal or somethin’,
will I die if I move? Am I still on Yuma? Am I on a ship, in a buildin’, on a station… oh, come on! Just tell me why I’m
here! Remain calm, Mister Pells. Turn down the volume, willya?
You nearly blew my head off! Remain calm. Do not move from where you
stand. What? What, is there a drop, or
traps or somethin’…? You will remain standing where you are
and answer our questions clearly and concisely. Who are you? What…? Do not ask us questions. We will ask
you for information and you will tell us, clearly and concisely. How about I write a freckin’ statement? Who do you work for? Hang on, we’re gonna have to sort out what this is about,
first. Who are you? Where am I? Who do you work for? Cut me some slack! I don’t even know why I’m here! I’m
not on an op; I’m not workin’ for anyone. You can’t
just grab me and interrogate me; I don’t even know what I’m supposed to have
done! What’s the charge? Who do you work for? How am I supposed to answer that? What do you mean, who
have I worked for, who have I just worked for or who do I work for the most? Who do you work for? I can’t even see my hand in front of my face. I don’t
even know if my eyes are open, for freck’s sake! I told you, I don’t work for
anyone! I was just relaxin’ on Yuma, taking a break
with my payment, it’s not like I’d done anythin’
wrong! Who do you work for? Listen to me! Just listen for a moment! I’d arrested a
friend of a gang boss on Chancai, there was no trouble, I got paid, and
that’s it! What’s the problem? I had a job and I did it! Or was it the shadowin’ of the trial judge last month? Or the raid on
the weapons plant? What am I supposed to have done? Who do you work for? I don’t work for anybody! Why aren’t you listenin’ to me? What the hell is goin’ on here? What,
have I offended you? Did I kill someone you know? Do I owe you money? Who do you work for? Stop it! Stop it! Stop askin’
me that damed question! I’m a Lawman, I don’t work
for anyone but the Setnin Justice Department, and I’m not working for anyone
else! What the hell is this about! What is it you want? How can I cooperate
if I don’t know what the hell it is you want! Hello? Hello? Are you there? Hey! What the hell is this? Are you there? Hey! Hey! Remain calm, Mister Pells. If you move
you will fall off your pedestal. It is a long fall. Wha…? I… what? Have you, or do you intend to, carry
out any missions against any of the organisations currently operating within
the Setnin Sector? Like what? You’ll have to be… Do you intend to carry out missions to sabotage, damage or otherwise hinder the operations of the
legitimate businesses Chancai, Luronsa or Cawbate? Oh, when you say ‘legitimate’ you mean a ‘gangboss’? Do you intend to carry out missions to
sabotage, damage or… I get it! No! I’m a Lawman, not a combat specialist. What
you’re talkin’ about is the work for crazy people! Have you ever been offered a contract
to carry out such a mission? No, I haven’t! Look, I don’t know what it is you want,
but it sounds to me you’ve got me mixed up with someone else! My name is
Elzen Pells, Law Officer, Setnin Sector Justice Quadrant Six, number 3524695874. Do you know the penalty for the
incarceration and ill treatment of a Setnin Lawman…? Have you ever been offered a contract
to carry out such a mission? What, are you a recordin’?
Are you a ‘droid? What the hell is it with you? Why do you keep askin’ me these things? I’ve already told you; Elzen
Pells, Law Officer, Setnin Sector Justice… Have you ever been offered a contract
to carry out such a mission? You’re driving me nuts! What is your connection with the bounty
hunter and hired gunman Gern Omik? …What? What is your connection with the bounty
hunter and hired gunman Gern Omik? He… I met him on Yuma, routine scan, trying to pin somethin’ on him. Got nowhere. Is that what this is
about? Hello? Why did you fail to convict Gern Omik
of any crime? I couldn’t get anythin’ on him. But he had committed several crimes on
worlds throughout the Setnin Sector. Why did you fail to convict him? I told you I couldn’t get anythin’
on him. He may be bad news throughout the sector, but he’d done nothin’ we could do him for on Yuma. Not the right
Justice Quadrant, not the jurisdiction. That is not acceptable. Hey, I didn’t write the rules, moron! If half the Justice
Department wasn’t on the take then the rules would govern the whole sector,
and not the little bits the ganglords want! That is a highly dangerous accusation. Hold on – you’re the Law? You are, aren’t you? Why else
would you ask me about Gern? Why else would you find the lack of conviction
‘unacceptable’! You sons o’ womp rats! Do you think
I let Gern Omik go? Do you think I let the charges drop, or covered them
over, or just didn’t follow them up? What the hell do you take me for? You
sons o’ womp rats! Calm down, Mister Pells. I damn well will not! You let me out of here right now!
I’ll be damned if I’m gonna stand here and listen to this pudu! Calm down, Mister Pells. Bite me! I bet you’re going to use me as the guy who
takes the fall, aren’t you? I bet you let him go after a nice profitable chat
with a gang, but now you need someone to blame so that the accusation doesn’t
come back to you! What better way to get rid of an honest Lawkeeper! You misunderstand. Oh, I bet I do! You misunderstand. We are not here to
blame or charge you with anything. We are here to ascertain the facts. About what? About the effectiveness of your
abilities, and the effectiveness of the Setnin Justice Department. Gern Omik
was allowed to go free because of the SJD system. Changes have to be made. Then why the deception? Why the dark room? We do not know which agents are ‘on the take’ as you put it.
We are not sure which agencies scattered about the Setnin Sector are
compromised. We need to be sure that the first few Lawkeepers we employ are
trustworthy and passionate about their responsibilities. So you throw me in black room and grill me. Did I pass
the test? You are very passionate about your role
in the SJD. Your bio suggests that the reasons are very personal and that you
would be difficult to compromise. Too right. Are you goin’ to let me out of here now? No, Mister Pells. Not just yet. Oh, for… what the hell now? We must now ascertain whether you would
be suitable for a command role in the new justice system. What? Are you kiddin’ me? Have you ever had to take command of an
SJD operation? Let me out of here! Have you ever had to take command of an
SJD operation? Look, I’ve answered your questions and I’ve had enough!
If you want me to join, let me join! Let me the hell out of here! Have you ever had to take command of an
SJD operation? Yes! Yes! On Wennicas, a raid on an abandoned scrap
merchants, rooting out DL-5 smugglers. The Ex-O was fried and I was the next
in line. I went in, with the guys, only one casualty on the smugglers side,
eighteen arrests, fifteen convictions. Happy? A very succesful
operation. Please explain the details behind the incident on Histai. Histai? Histai. There was an operation on the
world of Histai. I don’t know anythin’ about
that. You and three other Lawkeepers were
assigned to a deep cover operation in an ore mine to investigate slave
labour. Don’t know anythin’ about that.
I’ve never been to Histai. The operation lasted one standard
month. You can go on and on about it as much as you like, but I
wasn’t involved. Give us the details, Mister Pells. When was I supposed to be on Histai? Eighteen standard weeks ago. Eighteen standard… nope, sorry, if my memory serves me I
was on Chinngard chasin’ down a parole violator.
Never been to Histai. Besides, they’re not a non-affiliated world, way out of
even the whole SJD jurisdiction. Which was why Histai officials bought
you in under the codename ‘Muscle Speeders’ and allowed you to carry out your
assignment in secrecy. As I understand it, yourself and your colleagues
bought a slave operation worth over two million credits down. If you say so. Someone obviously likes to blow my tubetrumpet for me. I’ve never been there. Very good, Mister Pells. You are fully
aware of your responsibilities and your required duty. We are more than happy
to accept you into the new SJD. We shall now gradually bring up the lights so
that your eyes adjust accordingly. At last… ouch, that burns… so, I’m in a large room, very
bland. I’m not over a fall, you liars! It’s a two-foot drop off my pedestal –
onto crash-mats! You connivin’
little…! We had no intention of harming you,
Mister Pells. We had to be sure you were safe but under the illusion of
danger. You performed admirably. Where are you… oh, a secret door in the wall… so, we meet
at last. A Twi’lek, huh? I supposed I should have guessed with the eloquent
speech. We meet face to face, Mister Pells. My
apologies for the treatment. Welcome to the new undercover Setnin Central
Justice Agency. Come with me, please, and we’ll brief you fully. Sure. Oh, one more thing… Yes? You’re under arrest. What? I… where did you get that
blaster? We’ve been lookin’ for the
so-called Setnin Central Justice Agency for some time. Recruitin’
solid Lawmen to do what they thought was undercover work, whereas they were
really doin’ trash jobs for the gangs. I knew I’d
get your attention on Yuma with the Gern Omik business; just the slightest
glimmer I was crooked would make me a candidate. But we… Don’t bother. I don’t know how you got into my files and
found out about the Histai job, but I’m going to remedy that. You’re coming
with me, tailhead. We can pay you… Save it. Heard it, refused it, locked
it away a hundred times before. It’s not fair. Shut it and move. I’m taking you to a little dark room
all of your own… Pitch Black Room
2002 short story by Jonathan
Hicks Fifteen years after Episode IV – A New Hope Histories – A tale many years on from his previous outing in Port Rats, this shows Elzen Pells in his guise as a Lawkeeper, tracking down and trapping an illegal operation. A part of the legitimate law operation in
the Setnin Sector, Pells is one of the
very first genuine law keepers to be featured in a Lightsabre story –
a man at odds with the established power and firmament of the Setnin
underworld. Cast of Characters Elzen Pells
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